I couldn’t write this without pouring my soul and tears onto a page about my brother. Please start there.

Lessons learned

Location freedom + family

For years, working remotely meant I could pick up and go — buying the airplane wifi and working sky-high or in London or in my in-laws’ guest room in the attic of their German home. But this year, it meant that when my brother received a cancer diagnosis and my mom texted me to come home, that we could. That we could pack up and start driving the very next day – my husband taking the wheel while I finished a VIP Day of all things, right from the car. That I could take meetings at the hospital or take on half the amount of work so I didn’t have to worry. That I could work and enjoy it as a distraction, and then be there for my family.

Work can only be a good distraction for so long

I’ll admit it — I used work as a crutch, as a space where cancer didn’t exist, where things were normal and I could just show up and do what I’ve done for years.

I did that for my own separation of “church and state,” but also because my brother chose to fight his cancer privately. He hardly told friends. He didn’t share on social media. He just moved back home and fought, so, so quietly.

But when the fight was over and the funeral was planned, I continued that crutch and brought work back up from a 50% to 115% workload and it burned me out. It brought me to a place where I felt incapable of everything. Of doing the dishes, of replying to emails, of being good in any area. Of doing more than showing up to my pilates class, going home and moving deadlines, and then wishing for another life, another career. Of wishing I could take a day off from my own company but knowing that too many commitments were made for something as normal as that.

Asking for help is okay

Family, family, family.

Life is short

Wins:

That I was his sister

That this work brings us to people who value the same things

One of our clients has a mom currently fighting breast cancer, diagnosed not long after my own brother’s diagnosis. We’ve built our businesses together, and now we’re crying together.

Will-dos:

Share stories of the people who matter

Slow down

Love just as much, no matter what loss might come

Work with people who want to be seen, and who see us

Write for me

That’s one thing Julian was really good at. He had an incognito poetry account on Instagram where he shared from his soul. For him. Not for others. And I could do so much better at letting my words just be for me. Funny how getting paid to do what you love means not having time to do it for your own self.

Julian was much better at the whole starving artist thing.